Sunday, May 27, 2007

The Evening After - Red Dwarf 25 Hours

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At 1.30 pm, we could bear it no longer. Emily grabbed her silver pants and I applied my sticky H. With the TV going on no earlier than 5.30pm, it was a very early stage to be getting ready. But with two gorgeous costumes just sitting on my bed doing nothing - we couldn't resist it.

We made tiny cakes in full costume. Emily skated around as Cat, calling 'lady cats' in between drawing writing icing fish on her cakes. I staggered around in 4 inch stiletto heels, occaisionally whipping Emily when she wasn't expecting it. My cakes had Hs on, though I'm very bad with writing icing so it was hard to tell.

At 5.15pm we wandered up onto the lane to wait for the Davids to arrive. David Mcghee (David) was aiming to arrive earlier than David Pilgrim (Dave), because he wasn't arriving in his costume. Not owning any red women's clothes of his own, we would have to construct his Kristine Kochanski outfit when he arrived. I had already got out some lovely gold stiletto heels, black leggings and a red top with a deep v neck. I also had a sports bra filled with kitchen paper.

David's mum drove him up to our front gate. Emily was slumped on the ground in her spangly silver pants, unfastening her roller blades. I leaned against the gate post brandishing my holowhip. How was I to know that David hadn't told his mother the party was fancy dress? She did look rather startled when I ran up to her son, twirled in my underwear and gave him a playful flick with my whip. Still, she knows what parties are like at my house. I doubt she was entirely surprised.

It was 5.30pm. David's makeup was done, and we'd all posed for some photos. Series 1 was humming in the DVD player, but all we were watching was the menu. Dave had not arrived. As the clock crept towards 6pm, Emily phoned Dave. He was just setting off. We met him on the lane, all three of us crossdressing. I was actually cross cross dressing, just to make things even more confusing. Unfortunately, my ear to nose chain was refusing to stick and I'd had to take it off.

Dave arrived, smeared in curry with his hat pulled down over his eyes and a gaping hole in the back of his pants. We attached his hair, made from cut up and plaited tights, and then we were ready to take our final photos.

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Emily as Cat: "This is mine, this is mine, all of this is mine. Except for that bit. I don't want that bit."

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Ooooowwwwwwww!

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Such a pretty lady :D David Mcghee as Kristine Kochanski

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David walks so well in heels - and he's definately got woman's hips.

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+ What fantastic boobs!

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Dave Pilgrim as Dave Lister. The easiest and most comfortable costume by a mile, although the curry stains smelt a bit.

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Check out the fake hair and the hole in the pants. It's details like that that really make a costume good.

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*lick* - Me, as Rimmer as he appeared in Demons and Angels. I had to take my ear to nose chain off as it lost it's sticky, but I kept the rest of the costume for ages.

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H on crooked & not giving a shit - posing as Evil Rimmer.

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Group photos. Look out for 2 pairs of unwearable heels, 1 pair of rollerblades, a holowhip (pencil + blue cord + foil, lawl), handcuffs, curry stains, fake breasts and crossdressing.

6.15, and we were finally ready to start. The Red Dwarf flew slowly across the screen, and our journey began. It was a journey that would leave us 3 of us sleep deprived, 2 of us hungover and 1 of us severely embarrassed. Somehow, I managed to fall into all 3 catagories.

We watched series 1, quoting lines occaisionally. I felt a bit of a newbie to it all, as everyone else seemed to know every line before it was spoken. I've got an excuse though - I saw my first Red Dwarf episode about 6 weeks ago. At some point in this series, there was pizza. We also ate all the little cakes.

It was 9.15, and as series 2 started we started the alcohol. Neither of the Davids drunk enough, and soon me and Emily were quite drunk. Our conversation was quite varied. Emily decided I should have a tattoo of bees coming out of my anus. She also announced her undying love for Ewan Mcgregor.

I am a horribly honest drunk. I don't just mean that I don't lie when drunk. I mean, I say the first thing that comes into my head. I always mean it, but I don't usually mean it to be heard by my friends. I argued a little with Emily about bees, and also mentioned that Agent Smith is fucking gorgeous. Which he is - disagree with me and I'll bite you.

And then....

Then I embarrassed myself. Rather a lot. I mentioned my great love of holograms. One hologram in particular. I then realised just what I'd admitted to, and hid under a blanket. I'd have stayed there all night, but I wanted to watch Red Dwarf, damnit. At that point I was too drunk to care all that much anyway.

I fell asleep during Queeg, and didn't wake up until the end of Backwards. 2 and a bit episodes, for anyone who doesn't know their 'Dwarf. I was very sad to have missed Tongue Tied, the amazing song at the beginning of Parallel Universe, but I was glad to wake up in time for the rest of Series 3, there's still 5 episodes after Backwards and they're all great. This would have been around 12.45, I guess. I then made it as far as Timeslides (still Series 3) before falling asleep again and not waking up until the end of Camille (first of Series 4). Emily fell asleep in Queeg, like I did, and didn't wake up until Series 6. I got to watch all of Series 5, apart from a quick doze during Quarantine (which is my favourite, but I've seeen it a million times). But I did see Holoship (drunk enough to make a few more embarrasing comments), Terrorform, Back to Reality, Demons and Angels (my episode :D), and the Inquisitor. Lots of good episodes there. And I someone managed to keep my stupid mouth shut during Terrorform - I think the vodka was wearing off.

Series 6 started around 9am, and everyone was awake for it. We chatted about our favourite episodes, and the other 3 teased me excessively. I will never drink again... until next time anyway!

Some highlights of day 2 were watching Blue, an excellent episode best enjoyed in a group. Series 8, which I didn't much like the first time I saw it but seeing it without the high expectations I'd had the first time, I found I enjoyed the illogical aspect of it's humour. There are definately some classic Red Dwarf scenes in it, especially in Cassandra and Only the Good. The 'Have a fantastic period' is amazing. However, Series 7 is less good on second viewing. It definately suffers from lack of Rimmer + the addition of whiny Kochanski. But it was still definately enjoyable.

I have to finish off now, as it's time for bed. After series 8 was finished, David got out of the remains of his costume and we all went down the garden to play with the goats until Emily and Dave got picked up. Around 20 mins later David's mum arrived to take him away (and we showed her the photos and explained why I'd been dressed like a cheap hooker the day before). And then I wrote this blog.

=D Comment this blog plz, it was so hard to write. Took forever.

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Sunday, May 20, 2007

Quizzie + Rant

Answer all questions using only 1 word

1. Where is your cell phone? Bed
2. Relationship? Single
3. Your hair? Growing
4. Work? Lazy
5. Your sister? 2
6. Your favorite thing? DVDs
7. Your dream last night? Secret
8. Your favorite drink? Vodka
9. Your dream car? Smartcar
10. The room you’re in? Bedroom
11. Your shoes? Slippers
12. Your fears? Spiders
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Famous
14. Who did you hang out with this weekend? Emily
15. What you’re not good at? Revising
16. Muffin? Yum
17. One of your wish list items? Sexplz
18. Where you grew up? Horsham
19. The last thing you did? Readfic
20. What are you wearing? Hoodie
21. What aren’t you wearing? Makeup
22. Your pet. Goats
23. Your computer? Crap
24. Your life? Examfull
25. Your mood? Irritated
26. Missing? Goodfic
27. What are you thinking about right now? BadficARGH
28. Your car? Bike
29. Your kitchen? Parents'
30. Your summer? Job D:
31. Your favorite colour? Orange
32. When is the last time you laughed? Today
33. Last time you cried? Ages
34. School? Tomorrow D:
35. Love. Money


No, I don't count D: as a word :P

Readfic is one word, as is BadficARGH.

So, time for a rant. There are some movies, books, TV shows and similar that do not encourage bad fanfiction. However, whatever they are, I am not a fan of any of them. Everything I love seems to be designed deliberately to encourage the fanbrats to write steaming piles of shit.

Phantom of the Opera has the following:

- Often fancied male characters
- Angst
- Virgins of both sexes
- Violence
- Insanity
- Love triangles
- Two male characters who hate eachother

So, from this, we get Mary Sues, 'angstfics' written by 13 year old emos, over emotional badly written 'loss of virginity' scenes, torture (sexual or otherwise) written by 13 year olds, stream of consciousness writing, threesomes, more angst and pointless, retarded and completely illogical slashfic. Complete with 13 year old girls writing gay sex, without the slightest idea what they're talking about.

Hmm, maybe Labyrinth. Labyrinth is a CHILDREN'S film. It must be safe. And it's funny, so no angsting. Right? RIGHT?!

Wrong. Labyrinth has:

- Young, innocent girl + bad guy
- A mild romance element
- Rejection
- Magic
- An often fancied male character

So, here the fanfic has sex scenes bordering on pedophilia, sadistic sex, random pointless pornographic sex, angsting, anything-goes-because-magic-explains-it-all fanfics, and Mary Sues. Christ there's a lot of Mary Sues.

The Matrix... I think that's an obvious one for problems. But unless you take a look at the fanfic, you have no idea how many.

The Matrix has:

- SuperpowersLAWL
- Two male characters who hate eachother (here we go again...)
- Cool clothes
- Character with unique powers that it is specifically stated no one else has
- Multiple copies of same person

The biggest problem here is Mary Sues, the 'other One' or similar, as well as Mary Sues who have sex with Neo, Smith or all the damn agents at once if it pleases them to do so. Also loving descriptions of Mary Sues in leather outfits and sunglasses that go on for PAGES. There's also LOVELY Smith/Smith fic, and do I even need to explain what the slash fans do with Neo and Smith?

Thought not.

There's other examples I could go into. Anne Rice, in particular, sets herself up for badfic. But recently mai luff Emily introduced me to Red Dwarf. 26 hours not being enough for me, I wandered into the world of fanfiction. And then remembered all the reasons why that was a bad, bad idea.

- Male pregnancy = canon
- Two male characters who hate eachother
- Almost entirely male cast
- Men trapped in space with no women
- Pleasure GELFs
- Artificial Reality & Total Immersion Video Games
- Alternative Universes = canon
- Multiple copies of same person
- Psimoons
- Abilities to read people's minds in various ways (Dream Recorder, etc)

So, what fanfic do we get? Bad slash. Lots and lots of stupid, over the top, angsty slash. This dominates so much that there aren't as many Mary Sues as you'd expect, but the ones you do get are really really bad. Pleasure GELFs (life forms that appear as a person's ideal partner) are always an easy option. There's not as much MPREG as you'd expect, but it's there and it's nasty. Instead of character developement and having a character confess their feelings for another character in the normal way, you have a dream recorder so people just find shit out. AR and TIV allows all kinds of weird sex situations, there's plenty of self/self pairings like you get in The Matrix. The episode Terrorform brought up the idea of the 'lust monster', and so THAT gets written a lot. Alternative universes mean you can make everyone gay without explanation.

I don't like seeing people fuck with characters and stories that I like, damnit. I mean, to be fair, there are some excuses for slash in RD, but there are NO excuses for cutsey scenes of grown men acting like teenage girls. R/L is never going to be a pairing I like (though compared to Neo/Smith, Harry/Snape or Voldemort, Erik/Raoul and such, it almost makes sense), but if people must write it they could at least write R/L, rather than give two teenage girls rediculously out of proportion penises and have them giggle at eachother for a few pages.

*sigh* Either Godawful.net needs to come back to amuse me, or I should give up fanfic for a while. It makes me too angry.

(Btw, note for teh sistar Immi. If these examples don't interest or anger you, take a look in the LOTR sections on some fanfic sites. It'll make your eyes bleed. Especially if you manage to find a copy of 'Celebrian' or 'Legolas by Laura' somewhere :P).

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Thursday, May 03, 2007

I'm ill off school and...

Electricity is due to be switched off at any second. I can't play games, chat or even revise. I can't watch DVDs except on my tiny portable DVD player, which I love but only has I think 3 hours when fully charged. And today series 1-8 of Red Dwarf are arriving on DVD, and I will have to CHOOSE WHICH 6 EPISODES TO WATCH INSTEAD OF WATCHING THEM ALL. ARGH.

I hate lack of electricity. Urgh.

In other news, the DVDs I just mentioned have taken £50 out of my £70 allowence for this month (the other £70 has gone towards my goat debts). With my £20 left, I need to get my niece a birthday present. So yeah, no money this month XD

HOWEVER at half term (most likely, summer if not) me and my other geek friends are going to get together for a brilliant idea me and Emily came up with - to watch every episode of Red Dwarf without breaks, which will take almost exactly 24 hours. No one sleeps. Short toilet breaks are allowed, and obviously I will have to feed the goats a few times. The best bit is though...

We're going to dress up (as long as enough people are willing too - David looked terrified) XD Em wants to dress up as the Cat. No one else has really decided yet XD David M is going to come, and so is Jordan P. Emily thinks her brother (Other David) will want to come, so that is good :D

Anyone else who's found this blog, who I know, who wants to come, just tell me. More people = more fun.

I'll take lots of photos. :D

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